Relaxing vs Escaping

Its harder to relax now. Its harder to find distraction in those activities that others who care for me suggest to relax. James suggested the other day to do some watercolour, which I just screwed my nose up at.

I have found I don’t want to relax. Going out for coffee by myself or doing the shopping or activities that use to be a distraction, are no longer. I still end up thinking about all that is going on, as they are somehow related to the needs of Abbey’s care or the family.

Now I find I need to escape. Where the brain is completely overwhelmed with the present moment. The current mental needs for Abbey are overwhelming, as it is to be expected. There is no guide book on how to mentally navigate this new journey, Im completely lost and can only go by my physical reactions. The physical tends to dominate with clumsiness, butterflies in the tummy, feeling nauseous and the sweats.

I have tried relaxing, as it is so often suggested to me. But if the activity is not all encompassing of mind and body, then Im not relaxing, its just a distraction for a moment in time.

Now Im looking to escape, so that my mind and body can let go for a period of time. Now I escape by:
– reading and upping the speed on the walker (Stephen King and level 5.5, aiming for 6).
Рreading a book that is mentally stimulating in moments of peace (Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon).
– listening to business podcasts related to what I need to learn.
– engaging in new activities with the business that require me to be outside my box of safety (dressing up like a unicorn).
– redesigning the vege patch into a flower garden.

Its hard being creative when I am stuck at home. Im going to look a bit more into meditation before sleeping to settle the mind.

Relaxation tends to happen more with James at the moment, as he is the only person who is experiencing the same as me. We can relax in a moment together and if the brain does jump to the situation currently occurring, we can share and move on.

Its a strange place to be at.

Photo: I cannot bring myself to photography Abbey or myself these few days as the seizures are a little intense. Here is my artistic interpretation of my relationship with Abbey.